Gordon Ramsay’s wife experienced a miscarriage five months into her pregnancy in 2016 and has now shared that the family will “never get over” losing their baby boy, Rocky.
The couple has five children: Megan, 26, twins Holly and Jack, 24, Tilly, 22, and welcomed Oscar, 5, and baby Jesse, 8 months, in the years following the tragedy.
In one of the most heartbreaking moments from her interview with podcast hosts Lorraine Candy and Trish Halpin, Tana revealed how difficult it is to handle her young son Oscar’s questions about his brother.
“Even Oscar now, he talks about Rocky, his brother in the sky or his star. And he’ll come out with things like, ‘I really don’t like him being there. Why can’t he just come here?’,” she said.
Tana went on to say that her grief comes in waves – one day she’ll be strong enough to handle it, but the next a small trigger will leave her emotional.
She explained: “I still suffer so much guilt. Did I, should I have known something? Should I have done something differently? It’s one of those things that some days you’re absolutely fine and you can kind of justify it. Other days, for some reason, whether it’s because you’re overtired or something triggers you, I can have a day where I just feel really emotional. You don’t expect to be holding a baby knowing that they’re not going last more than an hour. That is always going to be something I can never, never get over.”
The star also discussed how difficult it was navigating the excitement about Oscar’s arrival while dealing with feelings of guilt.
Tana said: “One of the hardest times actually was after I had Oscar, and he must have been about three weeks old. And I had a day where I felt so emotional. I think it was the guilt that I didn’t think that I felt enough about Rocky because I’ve been excited with a new baby.
“And that threw me, and I remember Gordon saying to me, it was always going to hit you like this now, because we’ve been so in this bubble. And then suddenly you think, I felt unfair that I hadn’t sort of been thinking enough or sad. You can never know what’s around the corner with grief, and we’ve never had anything like that.”
