We love a good horror movie. The jump scares, the creepy atmosphere, the popcorn-munching suspense – it’s a thrilling experience. But sometimes, amidst the chills and chases, our brains can’t help but scream at the screen in frustration.
Why? Because horror movie characters often make dumb decisions that leave us wondering if they’ve ever even seen a horror movie before.
So, grab your flashlight (because I’m also scared writing this, cause it’s in the night and there is no light, lol), settle in, and prepare to relive some of the most boneheaded decisions ever committed to celluloid.
Splitting Up (Literally the Worst Idea Ever)
This might be the golden rule of horror movie survival – never, ever, ever split up. There’s safety in numbers, people! Yet, characters consistently choose to wander off alone, investigate creepy
noises by themselves, or become separated from the group for seemingly no reason. It’s like they’re auditioning for the role of “monster bait” in the upcoming horror sequel.
Trusting the Shady Character
There’s always that one character who seems suspicious from the get-go. Maybe they have shifty eyes, a creepy smile, or a backstory shrouded in mystery. Yet, for some inexplicable reason, the other characters decide to trust them completely.
Whether it’s following them into a dark basement or accepting a ride from a stranger with an axe collection, this decision rarely ends well.
Investigating the Spooky Sound
Horror movies are full of noises that go bump (or slash, or gurgle) in the night. A logical response? Stay put, huddle together, and maybe call the police (if they even have reception in this creepy cabin).
But no, horror movie characters have an irresistible urge to investigate every creak, groan, and disembodied whisper. It’s like a siren song for danger, and they just can’t resist the melody of potential monster mayhem.
Reading the Forbidden Book/Chanting the Ancient Evil Spell
Ah, the forbidden artifact. It could be a dusty tome filled with cryptic warnings, a cursed amulet that shimmers ominously, or even a Ouija board that looks like it came straight from a discount Halloween store.
Despite the clear “don’t touch” vibes, some characters just can’t resist the urge to unleash whatever unholy thing is trapped within. Spoiler alert: it never ends well.
There’s a reason showers are a recurring scene in horror movies – they offer a moment of vulnerability, a chance for the monster to strike when the victim is at their most relaxed (and maybe a little soapy). Yet, characters still waltz into the shower, seemingly oblivious to the fact that clean bodies make for easy pickings for horror movie villains.
Running Up the Stairs (When There’s a Perfectly Good Window Right There)
This one is a classic. Faced with a monstrous pursuer, the logical escape route would be out, not up. But horror movie characters seem programmed to head straight for the staircase, leading them on a merry chase (or should we say “deadly chase”) to a dead end (literally, sometimes). Maybe they haven’t mastered basic fire escape drills?
Checking on the Weird Noise in the Basement (Especially After Hearing Footsteps Coming Up)
Basements in horror movies are like monster magnets. They’re dark, damp, and usually harbor the creepiest cobwebs and the most unfortunate victims. Yet, when a strange noise emanates from this ominous abyss, characters feel compelled to investigate.
Even worse, if they hear something coming up the stairs (a clear sign to get out!), they often stick around to see what “it” is. Spoiler alert: “It” usually wants to eat your face.
Hiding Under the Bed (Because Monsters Never Look There)
This might be the most desperate and ineffective hiding place ever devised. Under the bed offers zero protection and a guaranteed scare when the monster inevitably decides to check (because, of course, they do). There’s literally nowhere to go from there – it’s like a monster welcome mat.
Saying “Hello?” When You Hear a Creepy Voice
This might be the verbal equivalent of poking a sleeping bear. Horror movie logic dictates that encountering a disembodied voice, especially in a creepy location, is never a good sign.
Yet, characters can’t resist calling out a tentative “Hello?” as if beckoning the unseen horror to reveal itself. Maybe they’re just hoping for a friendly chat with a spooky ghost?
Leaving the Car When It’s Running Perfectly Fine
Stranded on a deserted road? Don’t worry, horror movies have a solution (well, sort of). Just abandon your perfectly functional car (with the keys in the ignition, no less) and venture off on foot into the unknown darkness.
It’s a great way to ensure a slow, terrifying walk towards whatever lurks in the night (and to make sure you have no quick escape route when things go south).
Threatening the Monster with a Kitchen Knife (Like That’s Going to Work)
Sometimes, characters get a burst of (misplaced) bravery and decide to confront the monster head-on. The weapon of choice? Often a household object like a kitchen knife, a wrench, or maybe a particularly pointy umbrella.
It’s a valiant effort, but against a creature designed to be unkillable, a butter knife is about as effective as a tickle fight.
Voluntarily Going Back to the Place Where Everything Went Wrong
Horror movies rarely offer happy endings for the location where the mayhem unfolded. But some characters, seemingly drawn by morbid curiosity or a misplaced sense of closure, decide to revisit the scene of the crime (or the massacre, or the demonic possession).
It’s like tempting fate itself, and fate, in horror movies, has a wicked sense of humor (and a taste for human flesh).
Saying “I’ll Be Right Back” (Famous Last Words)
This phrase is practically a death knell in horror movies. Uttered right before venturing off alone, investigating a suspicious noise, or taking a shower that’s guaranteed to be interrupted by a monster, “I’ll be right back” is a promise rarely kept.
It’s a signal to the audience that this character’s time is about to be up, and their return is highly unlikely (unless it’s as a reanimated corpse, of course).
So, there you have it, our top 13 dumbest decisions in horror movies. While they make us scream at the screen and question the characters’ sanity, they also add a layer of delicious tension and suspense.
After all, who would want a horror movie where everyone makes perfectly logical choices? Where’s the fun in that? So, the next time you settle in for a scary movie, keep an eye out for these classic blunders – they’re practically a rite of passage in the horror genre.
Just remember, if you find yourself in a similar situation, maybe take a page out of our non-horror movie handbook and make some smarter choices!
