A woman has been flooded with empathy after she revealed that she was contemplating leaving her husband of eight years – because he wants to move in his mother who has dementia.
Her situation
The anonymous woman, who is believed to be US based, took to a Reddit forum to query if she was wrong for wanting to leave her her ‘devastated’ husband if he moves his unwell mother in.
The woman, who along with her husband is in her early 20s, explained that her partner’s 68-year-old mother had been diagnosed with dementia after showcasing signs for two years.
But she has been left at odds on what to do after her brother was left ‘disappointed’ by her idea, as well as her parents telling her she was ‘unreasonable’ to think in such a way.
People have flooded the post with an overwhelming amount of understanding, with many recommending they place the mother in assisted care facility.
On Reddit, the wife explained that she does not want her unwell mother-in-law to reside in their home, despite the elderly woman ‘not having much to her name’.
Her fears
She raised her fears it could negatively impact her future plans for children, with her relationship with her own husband potentially shifting into ‘an afterthought’.
The wife told Reddit users that she had no desire to put her life on hold for possibly two decades, as her mother-in-law has no other health complications.
She also revealed to her brother that she would also put her parents in a nursing home if they found themselves in a similar situation to her husband’s.
The woman clarified: ‘While harsh I did not sign up to share a home with either of our parents ‘I want to have children someday.
‘Raising a child while living with someone with dementia sounds like hell.’
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According to the poster, she has come to find that situations like her and her partner’s ‘hardly work out’, after joining numerous support groups and forums on the topic.
Her husband pleaded for her not to follow through on her idea, stating that they would be able to persevere.
However, his position on his mother’s care remains the same.
Her husband insists
He is unwilling to place his mother into a nursing home, and if he made the unlikely move it would be a private facility, according to the wife, and it also could become a ‘major financial commitment.’
She elaborated that she did not want to appear as ‘jealous’ or ‘petty’ for her wishes, alleging to not have the ability to keep up with the ill mother-in-law.
While the her own parents have told her she has made committed vow to her husband, the woman remains torn on whether to cut ties or stay with the man she loves or to press pause on her life.
She added: ‘He will wear himself out trying to love both of us equally. It is just not possible for him.’
What commenters say
Reddit took to the comment section to offer their support and guidance, with many sharing their own experiences.
One person commented: ‘Dementia is HELL on earth for the patient and the caregivers. Hell.
‘Anyone calling you an AH hasn’t dealt with the full hellscape that is Dementia.’
Another shared their own experience adding: ‘Sundowning is terrible, and patients can become violent. That is not a good environment to raise kids in.
‘Especially small kids. My grandmother had dementia and sundowned terribly.’
One user chimed in: ‘Better or worse does not include caring for his mother in your home.
