10-20% of young people suffer from a mental health illness worldwide.
A recent study reported that mental health issues in adults have increased by 40% within the last few years due to recent events.
With mental health issues on the rise, parents must be diligent in communicating with their children, allowing them a safe space to share their hearts when things get challenging.
We can’t just sit back, hope, and pray that our kids are mentally healthy.
There is something we can do to help them accept themselves, better process negative emotions, and learn to navigate through difficulties, and it starts with you, the parent.
Below are the 5 proven questions from Hilary Gruener:
1. Ask a question that makes them think about how they’re feeling.
Many parents get lost in their busy days, and asking their child something as simple as, ‘Hey, how are you?’ sometimes doesn’t happen. But even that question doesn’t necessarily hit the mark, either.By asking, ‘How are you feeling emotionally today?’ you may open up a whole new opportunity to understand your child’s world, especially if you notice them feeling a bit down.
By addressing the ‘feelings’ and ’emotions’ with that question, you are communicating to them that they have feelings and emotions, and it’s perfectly okay to feel them, voice them, and share them with you.
You’re telling them that you care to know about their emotions, and in return, they feel safe sharing.
2. Ask them a question they often ask you.
Asking your kids questions they ask you often shows that you identify WITH them and want to take the initiative.
Time spent together as a family is one of the most important things you can do as a parent. But make sure it’s intentional.
That means you don’t check your phone or only do something YOU want to do.
Even if it’s 15 minutes of intentional time doing something they love, it will mean the world to them.
If you can’t do 15 minutes of intentional time with your child daily, I suggest you move things around and find the time.
Mentally caring for your child will always require time spent with them.
3. Ask them an open-ended question.
Asking your child these questions that will not end in a yes or no, will help them think about the answer instead of quickly responding with a ‘NO.’
It can be something like, ‘What made you laugh, smile, or sad today?’
When I ask my son this after school, he sometimes has an answer, but not always. The point is that you care: You care to know about his day. You care to know if they were treated unkindly. You care to know that they felt safe.
Your children need to know you care, even about the most minute, mundane, and sometimes ridiculous events of their adolescent life.
My son has told me ten times that this girl at school has a crush on him. And whenever he tells me, I am interested and ask more questions.
Having an emotionally healthy relationship with your children requires patience and the understanding that you sometimes hold their little hearts in your hands. Be ever so careful with it.
4. Ask them a question that points them to gratitude.
Along with asking questions that are good conversation starters, you must help them see the good things that happen in their life.
In western civilization, kids are unfortunately unaware of what they have and VERY aware of what they don’t have.
So how do we raise kids who are content and grateful? Well, along with being grateful and content yourself to model for them what that looks like, you can ask them what they are thankful for daily.
‘What is something you’re grateful for today?’ or right before bed you could say, ‘Name 3 good things that happened today that you’re grateful for.’
For some reason, in our family, the best communicative moments are at bedtime.
Our family believes in God, so this might look different for you than it does for us.
But we ask our son to think about three things he’s grateful for, either from that day or in general, and then we pray together, and he tells God thanks for all those things.
We don’t force him to pray but rather encourage it. If he doesn’t feel like praying, we leave it.
We don’t want him to pray because we want him to pray, but rather because he wants to — this nurtures his spiritual life and helps him understand what a healthy relationship with God looks like.
5. Ask them a question that helps them open up about the hard stuff.
We don’t usually ask this every day, but instead, when he looks like he’s a bit down or sad about something.
We ask, ‘What happened today that might be hard to say?’
We have created for our child a safe zone. In our conversations, we want our kids to know that we don’t judge them, are always on their side, and want the best for them.
Naturally, things will happen in your child’s life that are surprising, unfortunate, or things you wish you could have changed.
But it is important to create a space where they feel free to share those things.
Wouldn’t you rather your child feel safe to share the bad stuff instead of hiding it from you?
To do that, you have to give them grace. If they share with you something sensitive that was hard for them to say, then reward that, don’t punish it.
By saying, ‘that might be hard to say,’ you acknowledge that they might have a hard time saying it, and that’s okay.
They need to know you are safe to share their deepest and darkest, without judgment, without condemnation.
