Drew Barrymore has revealed that she wishes her own mother was ‘gone’ while detailing her tumultuous childhood and her struggle to ‘grow’ while her mom is still ‘on this planet.’
The actress, 48, has been very open in the past about how her mother, Jaid, ‘exploited her’ and would take her out to Hollywood parties and nightclubs when she was little, once revealing that she had her first drink when she was only nine – and that she was using cocaine by the time she was 12.
Now, while speaking to New York magazine, the Charlie’s Angels star said that she ‘couldn’t wait’ for her mother to ‘be gone,’ as she admitted that she feels envious of her friends who have lost their parents.
‘All their moms are gone, and my mom’s not. I don’t have that luxury. But I cannot wait,’ she told the outlet – although she later attempted to clarify her quotes in a video posted on Instagram, in which she insisted that she meant she ‘cannot wait’ for the time when she is able to ‘figure out a very difficult, painful relationship’.
In her New York Magazine interview, the TV host explained that she ‘doesn’t want to live in a state’ where she ‘wishes someone’ dead ‘sooner than they’re meant to be so she can grow,’ adding, ‘I actually want her to be happy and thrive and be healthy. But I have to f**king grow in spite of her being on this planet.’
Later on in the interview, Drew said that she regretted making the comments about her mother, while vowing that she still ‘cares’ about her despite their rocky past.
‘I didn’t feel good [saying that]. I do care. I’ll never not care,’ she said. ‘I don’t know if I’ve ever known how to fully guard, close off, not feel, build the wall up.’
In a video posted to her Instagram in the wake of the interview’s publication, Drew tried to shed further light on what she had attempted to say, insisting that she never meant she ‘wished her mother was dead’ but rather than she wanted to make clear how hard it has been to ‘figure out’ her relationship with her mother while she is still alive.
‘I have been vulnerable and tried to figure out a very difficult, painful relationship, while admitting it is difficult to do while a parent is alive,’ she said.
The 48-year-old has previously revealed how her father, actor John Drew Barrymore, was a violent alcoholic and left the picture when she was young.
She has said that Jaid – an aspiring actress herself who also managed Drew’s career – ‘wasn’t prepared’ to raise her by herself.
At age 13, Drew’s mom sent her to a psychiatric institution, where she spent 18 months, and after leaving the center, she became emancipated from her parents.
But the star doesn’t like to harp on her past, or ‘blame’ her mother for the bad things that happened to her.
‘I choose very consciously not to see my life as things that have been done to me,’ she continued.
While speaking to The Guardian in 2015, Drew recalled feeling ‘terrible’ and ‘alone’ as a kid, adding that she was ‘very angry’ about her ‘parents not being there’ for her. ‘When I was 13, that was probably the lowest,’ she said.
‘Just knowing that I really was alone, it felt terrible. ‘It was a really rebellious time. I was very, very angry. If you search deep down in me, it’s like, why am I so angry, man? And it’s like, OK, ’cause my parents weren’t there.
‘But I realized, honestly, yeah, my mom locked me up in an institution – boohoo! It did give an amazing discipline.
‘It was like serious recruitment training and boot camp, and it was horrible and dark and very long-lived, a year and a half, but I needed it.
‘I needed that whole insane discipline. My life was not normal. I was not a kid in school with normal circumstances. There was something very abnormal, and I needed some severe shift.’
When asked if she felt ‘exploited’ by her parents at the time, she responded, ‘I mean, well, yeah, I think with my mother.’
