Many people have said their ‘answers of regrets and I wish I’d known’. Some you will find amusing and others you will find worth taking, really.
‘When I fell in love, I was head over heels in love.‘
The feelings were so intense that I did not even realise but I was drifting away, Divya Sharma said.
‘He liked cricket, I started watching all cricket matches without missing an over … He liked a certain artist, I would try to go through all of their work … He liked a movie, I would make sure I watch it in the next instance.
This is not a problem. I enjoyed exploring a new world and that helped me gain a different perspective.
The problem started when I started realising that I had stopped doing things that I liked, that filled my soul. I was trying so hard to become a different person- a person he liked and that knew more about ‘his world’.
In fact, the problem aggravated so much that even if I genuinely liked something but got to know that he doesn’t enjoy that thing, I would sub-consciously start disliking it and eventually even despising the same.
‘Why? Why was I making my life all about him and his world?’
He was not at fault, he maintained his character throughout. Nothing about him had changed. He knew nothing about my world while I was just venturing into his.
I now know I was losing parts of myself, sub-consciously though.I will never do that again. I will never lose myself.
‘I will make every conscious effort to have as many pieces of myself with me all my life as possible,’ she ended.
‘I’m done with bungee jumping’
‘It was exciting enough in my 20s that I tried it twice (once in New Zealand and once in Bali). Now that I call my 30s home, I don’t need that type of stress in my life,’ Alexander Porter said.
‘I can fall asleep in a chair and wake up to the jolting, terrifying sensation of falling. Why would I pay someone hundreds of dollars to strap bungee cords to my ankles and laugh while I tremble to the edge of a ledge?
‘Plus, with the state of social media, you’re only one freak-out away from becoming the next viral sensation. My first jump was recorded on a grainy camera mounted above the ledge I stood on.
‘Sometimes I watch it back and genuinely can’t tell if it’s me or someone else in the footage – that’s how garbage the quality is.
‘If you bungee jump in 2023, there’s 4K HD footage of you just in case you poop your pants or accidentally call the 16-year old safety attendant “mommy”.
‘But, while I’ve got a decreasing interest in chasing adrenaline, I am happy I gave these types of things a shot in my younger days.
‘I think there’s a time and a place to experience different things in your life. Some won’t make sense when you’re younger. Some only make sense when you’re younger.
‘It’s a source of personal pride that I gave it a crack – and then tried it again a few years later.Fortunately for me, no one will ever know if I pooped my pants or called the 16-year old safety attendant “mommy” except for me.
‘Those secrets stay with me,’ he concluded.
‘To date an extrovert’
‘Our first big fight was over a boat party,’ Sean Kernan who is a Goldstar introvert recounted.
‘You never want to do anything … I never want to do those things.’
‘I’d just moved from a dozen states away to be with her after a year of dating long-distance. But I probably should have asked a few questions first.
‘The idea of wedging together 7 boats, stuffed with people, drinking, getting louder, sweatier, and dumber — was an exquisite oil painting of hell.
‘The fight had been brewing for a couple of months,’ he continued.
‘Initially, our time together was spent in short, easy, manageable bursts, separated by weeks of longing.
‘It was easy to put on our best faces in such an arrangement.Then we moved in together and the tide went out, leaving our real selves exposed.
‘In my view, every idea she pitched involved a crowd of people.In her view, my idea of fun was sitting in a dark room alone.
‘I’m a writer now, so I guess she has a point. And so goes the problematic dichotomy of introvert-extrovert romances.
‘It is this source of tension that directly contributed to my divorce.And, unfortunately, I was a slow learner.
Sean went on to explain how ‘history repeats itself’…
‘I’m out in the single world.I was briefly dating a woman, we’ll call her Kasia, ‘cause that’s her real name.She was Polish and beautiful, with wide-set eyes and curly auburn hair.
‘We’d met on Tinder. She’d texted me on very short notice to see if I wanted to go out for drinks. later learned she already had a date that night — but the guy ghosted her. I was the backup plan.
‘Which is fine. She was already all dressed up and ready to go and knew a poor schlub like me would probably jump at the chance to go out.We actually hit it off initially. We went out on a few more dates.
‘Then the trouble started rearing its head again. After going out to dinner, a movie, basically anything — she wanted to go to the bars or go clubbing.
‘I went along with it the first few times. I can occasionally have fun going out and have logged many hours on bar stools in my early 20s.
‘But now I was 32. I was career focused and had grown out of that scene. You come to realize partying is the same thing over and over again. The punishment doesn’t fit the reward.
‘I start resisting and pushing back and she eventually ghosted me. I wasn’t upset. She was even more extroverted than my ex.
‘My introversion didn’t use to be a problem. Alcohol and the party scene have a way of masking these issues.
‘It’s remarkable that more singles don’t consider the introversion-extraversion gap when they date.It’s even an issue with roommates. If you’re an introvert, and you take on an extrovert roommate, plan on having tons of random people at your place.
‘People put themselves in great emotional danger by entering relationships with extreme extroverts.
Below is what your future fights look like:
Them: ‘Why don’t you hang out with people more often?’
You: ‘Why do you have to be around people all the time?’
‘It’s always some version of that. And at social events, it will be, ‘Why do you always want to leave early?’
‘It bleeds into everything: what you do, where you go, how long you stay, how many people you hang out with, how you communicate, and the way you travel.
‘I’ve seen so many couples break up, and so many marriages fail because of an extroversion gap.
‘I also know of plenty of couples where one is more or less introverted than the other. But I know of only one actual, certified, still-going, true extrovert and true introvert couple.
‘They are happy. But it took a few “meetings with god” to get there.
‘I’ll put it like this: they now take separate cars when they go to parties. You do the math.
A Post-Extrovert Lifestyle
Sean Kernan want on in his reflection, ‘The beauty is that there are many types of people in the world. We all have options.
‘When it finally dawned on me there were women out there who also enjoy low-octane activities, I did what I should have done sooner: I got picky.
‘OK, picky is an understatement — I got draconian. But it paid off.
‘On dating apps, I avoided all signs of extreme extroversion: all group photos, all drinking photos, skydiving, bungee jumping, photos screaming at a bar, and last but not least — being at a music festival(huge no).
‘Oh — and if she was on an adult kickball team. That’s a big thing around here. Insta-no on kickballers.
‘I try to live a good, virtuous life because I know there’s a special layer of hell waiting — where I’ll be tied to a post at an eternal EDM festival and be forced to hear Calvin Harris on repeat.
‘A mousy woman with dark-rimmed glasses, her cats, and a book? Oh hell yeah. Step right this way.
‘I’m a full-time writer. An extroverted woman will usually think this is very cool and refreshing at first glance. But when they learn what it entails? I can see part of them shrivel up and shudder.
‘Being a writer means I spend my days at home and alone in front of a keyboard.The room is often dark. I go entire weekends where I barely talk. And I love it. I’m in my head, creating. Nobody is bothering me.
‘On the Wheel of People, the type of person who enjoys this career is diametrically opposed to the person who frequents music festivals. We live in each other’s opposing nightmare.
‘I’m in a fantastic relationship. My girlfriend, who I adore, is an ambivert and works in academia.
‘We had a conversation. I asked her, “Scale of 1–10, 1 being introvert, 10 being extrovert, where would you rank me?
‘She said, “Um….2.”
‘I rated her at a
5 to 5.5.
‘She’s a perfect mix and totally compatible. We get along great and give each other tons of freedom.
‘We also do lots of things together. We travel, go to museums, try new food, and visit family. We occasionally go out and party for ‘old times’ sake. But we are mostly low-key.
‘We love to go to the beach with two chairs, relax, and go for walks while we talk.
‘I won’t date an extrovert again. I’ll be their friend. I’ll admire and respect them. But I won’t be their boo thang,’ Kernan ended.
You’ve got stories too? Share your ‘What is the one thing you will never do again’ in the comment box.
