Hot on the heels of her disastrous profile in New York Magazine’s The Cut – in which she compared herself, never mind, to Nelson Mandela – Meghan is back with another cover story, this one for Variety.
And guess what? We stand for a rebrand.
The Duchess of Despair and Endless Grievance now wishes to be known as FUN! And STUPID! But also very, very smart. Definitely not a bimbo – not at all like her latest podcast guest Paris Hilton, who Meghan said she had judged her to be. . . a bimbo.
Hey, we’re all just women trying to lift other women up here, am I right?
Our Meghan is nothing if not a phoenix rising from the ashes — even if said ashes are from all the Molotov cocktails she keeps throwing. The Queen’s funeral, filled with the sidelines of Harry and Meghan, is firmly in the rear view. And despite Meghan’s actions to the contrary — you know, that Oprah interview where she said a senior royal was racist and the palace didn’t care that she was suicidal and pregnant — Meghan really loved the Queen.
“In terms of female leadership, she’s definitely the most shining example of what that looks like,” Meghan told Variety. ‘I feel profound gratitude to have been able to spend time with her and get to know her. . . And I am still proud to have had a lovely warmth with the matriarch of the family.’
Hmmm. You’d never know that Harry reportedly turned down two invitations from the Queen to visit shortly before her death, or that his brother reportedly remains upset over Harry and Meghan’s repeated betrayals, or that King Charles holds the titles of prince and princess for H&M’s children at rest, possibly until the damage from Harry’s upcoming memoir and the couple’s Netflix docuseries becomes clearer.
Oh, and as for the Netflix deal, this couple has been trying to divulge since Her Majesty’s funeral? Wouldn’t you know it, Meghan Markle – avatar of kindness, authenticity, love, goodness and ‘meaningful change’ – is already on her way back.
She and Harry really have no control over their own show, you see. In fact, apart from playing in it, they have almost nothing to do with it.
“It’s nice to be able to trust someone with our story,” Meghan says of Liz Garbus, the Oscar-nominated director of her docu-series. . . although that means it might not be the way we would have told it. But that’s not why we’re telling it.’
It is not? Netflix gave Harry and Meghan a reported $100 million production deal, but these two have produced next to nothing since signing back in 2020. Their requisite pound of flesh is long overdue. Meghan is establishing plausible deniability here. She just thinks we’re all too stupid to see it.
‘We trust our story to someone else,’ she continues, ‘and that means it will go through their lens.’
Yes, Meghan. That’s how these things work.
Today’s Meghan Markle is all about joy, and she wants you to understand that. That’s all she spreads. Love and light, people, love and light.
